So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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