Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize