Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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