do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
