We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
