LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
