So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
