I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Is Oprah even human
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
