Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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