I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
