I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
