I cockslap morals
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
