Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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