hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Randomize
