so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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