i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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