He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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