there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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