at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm too high and old for this...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
