I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
