Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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