I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
