He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I want a musical about memes.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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