apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
