I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well I just put wine in my tea
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
