Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I can text with my tongue
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
