omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
