there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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