my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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