could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
