guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
