how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
