i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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