I smell stomach acid.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
