So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
