My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Randomize
