How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
