The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
