A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
