Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
