is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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