my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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