I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
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I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
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An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
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