all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
