"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
