I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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