Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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