You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
