The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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