He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
