just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
