You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
