so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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