I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
