i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
