You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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