i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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