I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
