she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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