I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
