All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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