hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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