I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
