Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
