Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
