Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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