It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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