I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
