Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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