A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
