I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
