It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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