I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
