I accidentally burped into my bong.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
