Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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