Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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